“I don’t like being a mother”: Mom regrets having a child

Anyone who doesn’t love being a parent rarely dares to admit it. But nearly 20 percent admitted just that in a poll. However, this is often not a permanent condition.

Have you ever heard the term Regretting Motherhood? The topic comes up again and again when a parent, usually a mother, comments that they regret having a child. For many people, this is an absolute taboo subject, and people who express themselves in this way regularly face a lot of backlash – especially online.

It doesn’t mean that you don’t love your child more than anything just because you regret having become a mother. The topic is currently making waves internationally again, as a young mother spoke out in a mothers’ forum.

“I regret having got it” – a young mother laments her suffering

In the mothers forum Mumsnet a post on the subject of Regretting Motherhood is currently making waves. A new mum with the username @TheBerry writes here: “My baby is ten months old. I love her more than anything in the world and I’m constantly worried that something bad will happen to her. She is a lovely, bright, happy, sweet and quite independent child. But I can’t shake the feeling that I regret getting them.”

She would most like to go back to her old life: “I’ve had a quiet, peaceful, unexciting life and I like that. I (…) was always happy when I was alone, working from home, watching Netflix in the evening, enjoying nature, going out to eat from time to time.” All things that she can no longer do in this form. @TheBerry also writes very clearly that she “doesn’t like being a mom” and asks the community if it would eventually get better, if the feeling would wear off.

Much understanding for the young mother

In the forum itself, there seems to be a lot of understanding for the mother, of course, alongside a few critical voices (who suspect depression, among other things). Many other parents have probably been in a similar situation and honestly write about their own experiences. It becomes clear that apparently the first two to three years with a child can be particularly exhausting. You have to do without a lot yourself, the child needs a lot of attention and making plans is difficult. But lose all hope? She doesn’t have to. For example, @LionMummyRoar writes, “It’s definitely getting better. Don’t get me wrong, a long brunch with alcohol will probably be a thing of the past, but you get a lot more of yourself back when they get to school age.”

Regretting Motherhood – when you regret becoming a parent

The fact that women have children (and bring them up) is firmly anchored in society. So much so that those who consciously choose not to have children have to defend themselves over and over again. Phrases like “just wait until you find the right partner,” “that’ll come soon,” “don’t your parents want grandchildren?” and other variations on the theme are commonplace.

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According to YouGovsurvey in 2016, however, a full 20 percent of all parents surveyed stated that they would not become parents again. The survey also gave some reasons for this, for example:

  • restriction of personal development
  • Lack of care options
  • Career

Very important to know: You are not alone in this situation.

How the online community is reacting

The Mumsnet-Contribution by @TheBerry has also been featured in online articles by The Sun and New York Post treated and among other things Facebook divided. Here is a selection of well over 1,000 comments:

  • “All mothers feel like this sometimes… But those feelings become less and less common over time. My kids are 8 and 6 now and I’m loving this phase of my life ????????”
  • “It’s a lifetime commitment. You have to be financially and emotionally prepared to have a baby. I hope she finds therapy, and soon.”
  • “Yes, all mothers have experienced those moments at some point. You will survive.”
  • “Being childless is the best life for me!”
  • “I know the feeling ????????”
  • “I like that she’s honest with herself and that most people don’t judge her. That is the best way forward.”

This article only contains general information on the respective health topic and is therefore not intended for self-diagnosis, treatment or medication. In no way does it replace a visit to the doctor. Unfortunately, our editorial team cannot answer individual questions about clinical pictures.

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